Doctor Who Framed Roger Rabbit
by memyselfandwe
Summary: The Doctor has a couple of toon stowaways and he's trying to take them home. Pointless humor with no real plot.


Roger came bounding over to Jessica and undid the ropes that had her tied her to a chair. Once free she swept Roger into her arms, his legs dangling like wet noodles as she planted kisses all over his face, "oh Roger, hunny bunny, you saved me."

"Please," Roger said playfully, "call me Doctor."

Jessica placed Roger on the ground and he began to leap around her dramatically as he made a glorious speech, "it was I, my love. I defeated the aliens, brought peace back to the planet, and rescued you."

"My hero," Jessica cooed and stroked his ear making his foot thump against the floor.

From down the hall, they heard shouting, "right there! You! Stop!"

"What's that," Jessica asked Roger.

Roger stared down the hall and his eyes leapt from their sockets. "That's our signal to run," Roger cried and grabbed Jessica's hand. Together they bolted, leaving behind a cloud formed in their images that quickly dissipated.

"To the TARDIS," Roger exclaimed as they sprinted toward the ship.

Once they were close, Roger attempted to stop, but he failed and ended up slamming into the side of the TARDIS, flattening like a pancake when he did. He flopped backward onto the floor and sat up to find little birds fluttering around his head.

Clearing his head with a shake, Roger hopped to his feet and pulled on the door, but it didn't open. He braced his feet up against the wood and pulled again with all his might, but still nothing.

Roger took a step back and scratched his head, "hmm, must be locked."

Jessica glanced behind them, "Roger…err…I mean Doctor, they're gaining on us."

"Fear not, my love," Roger told her bravely, "I have my sonic screwdriver to unlock it." He reached inside his pocket and his entire arm disappeared inside as he rummaged around. Triumphantly, he pulled out the sonic screwdriver and pointed it at the door. His tongue poked out the side as he put all his effort into unlocking the door.

Suddenly, Roger was yanked away and lifted into the air by the ears.

"There you are," The Doctor growled. He plucked the sonic screwdriver from Roger's hand and inspected it, "what's this? A crayon?"

Roger grinned sheepishly, "well it's blue."

"Do you have any idea the amount of chaos you left behind for us to clean up," the Doctor asked.

"Chaos," Roger retorted, "I was saving the world."

The Doctor's eyebrow raised curiously, "can you explain all the upturned trash bins?"

"You mean, evil robots," Roger replied matter-of-factly.

The Doctor sighed, "and your visit to the House of Commons where you broke out into a musical number, ending with a pie being thrown into a member of Parliament's face?"

"Well they were all screaming and yelling at each other," Roger explained, "I just assumed they needed a good laugh."

"Did it work," the Doctor questioned.

Roger's head sunk low and he twiddled his thumbs, "not exactly…"

The Doctor pinched the bridge of his nose, "and explain your reason for all the missing bananas from the market."

"Bananas are good," Roger grinned.

The Doctor's gaze softened, "can't argue with that."

"Plus, I needed the peels for a gag I set for that grumpy palace guard," Roger added.

"What," The Doctor sputtered, then shook the thought away, "never mind, I need to get you two out of here."

The Doctor unlocked the TARDIS and pushed the door open, marching inside with Roger still dangling by the ears from his hand.

"Oh, I get it," Roger said as he looked at the doors, "the sign says pull, but you're supposed to push it. That's genius."

Jessica and Rose followed them inside and as soon as Rose shut the door, the Doctor set them off into vortex. "I don't know how you two ended up on my TARDIS without me noticing, but it's time for you to go home."

"Home? This is our home now," Roger protested. He marched around the console, following the Doctor while mimicking his motions and reversing every switch and knob he turned. "Give us another chance, we'll be good."

"No," the Doctor snapped as he came to a halt and Roger ran into his back. The Doctor turned to the rabbit to see him looking up at him teary eyed and his lower lip trembling.

"P-p-please," Roger begged.

The Doctor then gazed over at Rose who was watching them with amusement.

"Oh, don't encourage him," the Doctor whined at Rose.

"I'm sorry Doctor," Rose chuckled, "but if you could just see..." she broke off into a fit of giggles.

The Doctor sighed and looked back at the console, noticing what Roger had done. With a groan, he lifted Roger by the shoulders and placed him in the jump seat. "Sit here and don't move," he warned.

Roger gave him a salute, then sat back with his big rabbit feet dangling over the edge.

The Doctor ruffled his already messy hair and went back to the console, setting the coordinates as he did before. "There," he said happily, "…set course and in just a mo-…where's Roger?" He stared at the empty jump seat then turned to Rose and Jessica who both shrugged and looked around. Suddenly, the TARDIS shook violently and they all fell to the floor.

With a grunt, the Doctor hoisted himself up against the console and managed to get the ship under control again. He glanced up and noticed Roger standing at the opposite end of the console, he was now wearing his incredibly long scarf and hat from his fourth incarnation while pressing several buttons.

"Roger" the Doctor yelled and stomped over to him, pulling him away from the console, "what do you think you are doing?"

"Roger," the rabbit asked in a mock accent imitating the Doctor's, "who's Roger, I'm the Doctor."

"No," the Doctor spoke slowly, "I'm the Doctor."

"No, I am," the rabbit insisted.

The Doctor gritted his teeth in frustration, "I am."

Roger narrowed his eyes, "I am."

The Doctor thought quickly and turned the tables, "you are."

As expected, Roger repeated, "you are."

The Doctor smirked, "no, you are."

"Listen here, mister," Roger said while poking the Doctor in the chest with an accusing finger, "I said you are the Doctor and that means you are the Doctor!" He ripped the hat off his head and slapped it onto the Doctor's head and threw the scarf at him. He then stuck his tongue out at him before crossing his arms and looking away.

"Good," the Doctor smiled and strolled over to Rose and handed the rabbit over, "hold him, will you?"

Rose took the confused rabbit and held his arms tightly as she watched the Doctor reset the coordinates for the third and final time.

The TARDIS landed back on Toon Town and the Doctor took Roger, walked to the doors, and opened them.

Bright light filled the console room as loud, gleeful singing erupted from outside. Rose immediately covered her ears and wondered how anyone could live on a planet like this.

The Doctor stepped aside and let Jessica exit first. She strolled past without protest, hips swaying in the process. He put Roger down beside her and poked a finger at his nose, "this is where you belong, no more running amuck on other planets, they don't know how to deal with toons like you."

He nodded farewell to Jessica disappeared inside the TARDIS with Rose right behind him. As they walked up the ramp, the Doctor turned to Rose and spoke sternly, "never again."

Rose smiled, "all I said was that I didn't believe Toon Town was actually a planet, I never asked you to take me."

"Well, how else am I going to prove it to you," the Doctor grinned back. "Where do you think all the big cartoon stars come from, Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse…"

"Don't forget Goofy," Roger finished for him, catching both Rose and the Doctor by surprise.

"How did you…" Rose wondered while glancing back at the locked door.

The Doctor didn't wait for an answer, he just grasped Roger by the hand and dragged him back to the door. With one hand on his shoulder and another hand grasping the straps on the rabbit's back, the Doctor tossed him out and Roger flew through the air, landing on his bum and bounced a few times before skidding to a stop.

Quickly the Doctor slammed the door shut and when he turned around, Roger was standing before him.

"You know," Roger said while dodging his grasp, "it could be fun, think about it. Two Doctors saving the day with two gorgeous companions by our side."

The Doctor launched forward and grabbed Roger by the arms, "there is only one Doctor, that's me and only one gorgeous companion, and that's Rose." The Doctor's cheeks reddened when his words caught up to him and he subtly glanced toward Rose, not missing her smile.

He tugged the TARDIS door open and flung Roger into Jessica's waiting arms, then backed into the TARDIS without taking his eyes off Roger. He shut the door and locked it, then ran up the ramp and watched Jessica and Roger from the monitor as the TARDIS dematerialized. Once they were in vortex and finally rid of their stowaways, the Doctor braced his hands on the console, looked up at Rose and repeated, "never again."


End file.
